379. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. the event, the reason that we are here, and due to some possible inclement weather, it has been shifted, forcing us to do this podcast now, which is 645 on a Saturday LA time. And I want to thank you, Jason, for being flexible to kind of fit to my unfortunate schedule. It's not unfortunate. It's probably amazing. You're having such a great time over there. That sounded facetious to me. Let me be clear. That is not sarcasm. That is just I woke up eight minutes ago. The Nissan hasn't turned over all the way. I'm not purring like a kitten just quite yet. Speaking of Lake Como, I feel like until I started hanging out with the rich people, I always thought it was spelled Cuomo. Like governor? That's right. No, it's Cuomo. That's Italian, right? I guess. I don't know. Andrew Cuomo? He's probably an Italian guy, right? Yeah, he's an Italian. He's murdered people. He's a maid guy. He's from Queens. When I first saw Cuomo being spelled C-O-M-O, like another word that Italian people use a lot, I was stunned. I understand, and I'm glad that you're admitting that kind of publicly. I think that's the first step to recovery. I'm not...

I'm not saying that this happened like two days ago. It was a long time ago. Sure. Well, luckily for you, Jason, and for me, a long time ago means different things to different people. You know, it's kind of like a sliding scale. It was years, not weeks. Let me be clear again. Okay, okay, okay. Now you're just backpedaling. It's going to make you look bad. But there has been, even though I'm in paradise right now, I was able to catch up on some news this morning, and there's going to be some tough stuff for you to stomach. I hope you're not. hearing it from me first. I saw Sienna Miller's cottage, and I don't think anything – the only – I mean, is it about the wallpaper in the bathroom? Because that does need to go. Otherwise, this is a – the kitchen is a cha-cha matcha in terms of the color and decor, but otherwise – Well, I think you might have – I think for both of us, it's probably hard to understand British country living as it's pretty far from our kind of day-to-day. So I just wanted maybe – I'm going to – I think you and I both should take a second to digest that and kind of process it versus – making a snap decision based on this one spread. The traditional British countryside of putting wallpaper in your bathroom of a jungle, just the way that my nan had, and then painting the ceiling in your country kitchen. I won't say hot pink, but it's not cold. Just these classic kind of British tropes that we've seen through the... Through millennia. The British love a maximal design on the inside, you know, so I think that lots of... I'll learn that in just a couple days. Lots of color and print clashing, you know, but somehow it works. No, Sienna's Country Cottage has been out for weeks. I'm not talking about that, Jason. I'm talking about the breaking news overnight that Kim Kardashian and Skeet have parted ways. Yeah, I think the Americana at Brands meme account said it best. Two-time John and Vinny's customers have broken up. So I'm hearing it's a, you know...

From sources here in Como, I'm hearing it's our schedules, you know, type beat. Sources here in Como. You know, I'm hearing that our schedules aren't allowing. Is the lake a buzz with this T? With this T? I don't know how they call it over there. The lake is a buzz, and it's all anything anyone can talk about. So you're thinking it's just a scheduling issue. I'm not thinking that, Jason. I'm, of course, thinking something more nefarious than that, but they're saying that. Not exhaustion. Not exhaustion. I mean, if Kim. and Pete both have Lyme's disease, I would be stunned. But I'm not exactly sure. I'm not exactly sure what's going on. Actually, if Pete had Lyme's disease, that would not be stunning. That would kind of explain a lot, actually. You're right, actually. Never mind. No, but I think that we here at How Long Gone should maybe do a little speculation maybe on what the real reason is because I'm not buying the schedules. Well, the schedule, it's possible and plausible, but it's not an answer that anyone wants to hear. And when you have two gnarly people like this, you need something more. Don't throw me some scraps. I need to whack you. I'm thinking either one of Kanye's goons got to him. I'm thinking maybe he realized he didn't want to raise five kids with stupid names that aren't his. I'm thinking... I don't know. I'm thinking he was so excited about the new Yeezy Gap drop that he had to buy it and it caused a rift at home. It could be so many things. So he's like, I want the Yeezy Gap drop, but I don't want to give Kanye that pleasure of him seeing my transaction record. Like you said, raising five kids. Also five kids who look just like your sworn enemy. Can you imagine raising a rapper Kanye West child named Psalm when you're Pete Davidson and you got to say Psalm loudly at the playground in Long Island? That ain't going that well. That's why they only hang out with Northy. They're like, all right, your name's cool. You seem to know how to wear Givenchy pretty well. So you're just the kid now. And then Psalm's like.

will anyone play with me? And they're like, shut the fuck up song. All of Kanye's kids look great in vintage Marilyn Manson t-shirts. Don't do that. They all share that crown and they share it well. I like that at any given moment, Northwest has more ice on her. The total value of her accessories and clothing could... be greater than my net worth at any given moment. Just her going to Pinkberry is my entire portfolio. Absolutely the truth. And, I mean, I think that's obviously dangerous. I mean, look at Mason Disick's little fat ass. Like, he might already be doing coke. You know what I mean? Like, I've said it before, and I'll say it again. He seems like he's on something. And, I mean, if you let your kid... I've never heard you say it before, but now that you say it... I mean, the way he's looking, I don't... I guess it does feel like you're punching down when the person is four feet tall. But due to the fact that they're 11, I don't know if he's on coke. He's definitely on antidepressants. Okay, he could be on Celsius then. I don't know. Because I'm thinking downer and not upper because I've never seen him really move. outside of you know that's because yelling at the nanny for more chick-fil-a or something that's because that's exactly that's right that's because you're not on fortnight baby want chicky he's oh he's turned he's all the way turned up roscoe dash on fortnight no he's gonna be one of those he's gonna be one of those guys that dies in the gaming chair because he just doesn't get up and his body atrophies Because he's in the basement in some house in Calabasas. They forgot about him, you know? And he only comes up to get his essence boxes that have Valentino in them. He has a little hamster feeder that ran dry weeks ago. Can we hang out at Travis's house? He has fun games. Travis has lots of snare drums, Dad.

Yeah, I mean, I think that Mason is going to be at Betty Ford before ninth grade. And I don't want to put that on him. It's not really up to him, unfortunately. Yeah, you take no pleasure in knighting him with that sword. No, I hate it. I hate it. I hate every second of it. I hate it. I hate it. But what can I do? I can only use the information I have and then, of course, all the information that I make up. And that's where I got to this kind of place, this decision. That's why I started K-House, which is kind of like the LaBelle Foundation for stray dog rescues. I just take all the unwanted children in the Kardashian universe who are sort of... You know, they haven't been physically abused or mentally abused. No one's putting cigarettes out on their... on their fear of God sweats, but there's neglect and there's psychological warfare going on and the pressure. Yeah. Yeah, you can tell when your parents don't love you. And here at K-House, we're able to get you kind of rehomed with a family. I'll get you a certified pre-owned little fat-ass 13-year-old who will definitely not treat you well because they... They spend more money every day than you've ever seen in your life, but... So the power dynamic will be a little tricky at first. Just like any rescue. Yeah, I mean, you're going to have to get the pee pads out again, but they are going to drive your Maserati while you're asleep if you don't watch it. So it's something to think about. Yeah, in this industry, they say there's no such thing as a bad dog or a bad Kardashian. Just only bad masters, you know? I think that could be true, but I think that we're going to have to kind of set up a pretty intense program. to kind of test the wealth of the possible, you know, adoption, you know, the families. Because it's like you can't imagine what Mason would go through if he was adopted by a family that was broke. You know, it would probably be good for him in the long run. A fate worse than death. Yeah, a fate worse than death. Can you imagine being Mason Disick and then being adopted?

by a regular family somewhere in Florida, and you've got to go down there, and you're like, where's the three-wheel car, Dad? Where's the three-wheel car? How come your Lamborghini truck is just regular color? Dude, he seats cloth. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more.

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That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash how long. Yeah, well, it's just, I mean, it's just going to be some light, I don't know, six months of forensic accounting. You know, like I said, background checks. Obviously, we need access to all the socials. as well and the more you tell us up front the easier it'll be for you in the long run exactly we don't want to have to figure it out ourselves because then you know we sit you down in the interrogation room like we can do this two ways okay we can do this the hard way or we can do this the easy way yeah you turn turn the chair backwards Zach Morris style. Get you anything? Can of Gia? What's your flavor? We're all out of the blue ones. Those ones go fast. We're interrogating you, and we're offering you Gia while we do it. No one's ever done this before. But I think the difference is, and what we're offering, because the amount you're going to have to spend on the child because of the life they're used to, we're going to give him to you for free if you pass the test. We're not going to charge you the expensive adoption fees. We do it different. We make our money in the back end. We make our money in the back end, exactly. And we do, we don't, I mean, this is kind of controversial. We don't, our kids don't wear tags, but we do kind of do the electronic digital insertion so that we're able to kind of know where they are just in case you get weird. It took a few takes to get Rob chipped in the neck because he does have like a little bit of, You know, a little tougher on that neck area. So the first couple of chips didn't take. The neck isn't Wagyu. The neck is definitely a Kroger steak. I see what you're saying. It's more of a tougher cut, yeah. But, you know, it's a brazier, not a searer. But the thing with Rob that was nice is that not only do you get Rob, but you also got...

his sock business as well. That's part of the package. You become Rob's mother and father, but you also become the CEO and CFO. of his sock line. It's available at Nordstrom if you're looking for it. What's the name of it again? What's the name of it again? I forgot. Something George. Right, it's just a guy's name. Yeah, classic men's brand name. So yeah, you have some sock debt that you will be inheriting just to kind of be transparent up front. I don't know if they had a great Q2. And don't expect Blac Chyna to go away. because she's kind of part of your life. You know what I'm saying? You get Rob, you get Blac Chyna. Yeah, we've fumigated a few times, and she kind of still keeps coming back. There's some pests that you can't get rid of, and that comes with the territory. But this is something that we should kind of deeply explore. I think we just did. Well, I'm saying we need to get the papers down and talk to the lawyer, because I just think that... Once again, this breakup, I mean, she's reduced the size of her butt to the point that I was hearing rumors that she was only trying to attract white men. That's what I that's the rumor I heard. So, so Pete. Maybe white in the literal sense, but not... Do you think it's possible that Pete couldn't handle all that back? Yeah, of course. And maybe that's why this is happening? His eyes were bigger than his stomach, as they say. He went shopping at Delilah on an empty stomach. I think that that's possible. I think that anyone can handle it, or at least wants to, you know, it's like that bull riding movie, Eight Seconds, you know? You get eight seconds on that thing. that's like winning the world series but who's gonna where does he go from here you know does he just start dating regular hot chicks or does he have to because there's nowhere else to go in the ladder well there's no higher to go you're gonna have to get a whole new ladder he might have to go evan mock i mean their their intelligence levels are sort of double digit iq kind of swag okay so you're saying for pete to kind of level up after being devastated by a kardashian he's got to

They don't like labels, first of all, but I'd like to think that they're fluid with their sexuality. But in order for Pete to level up, you can't. So you have to pivot. You know what I mean? I agree. Not to use a basketball term. No, of course, of course. Don't do that. Not with Tristan in the picture. Yeah, I think you could be right. Or does he kind of start from the bottom with someone and mold them into his image? Does he find a young pop? and kind of make her... the apple of his eye and kind of put her on the scene is this is this like a an ugly betty situation or a she's all that situation i don't think it's either one i don't i don't i just mean i think he could find i'm sure he could go let me be clear this is not an ugly betty situation i think i mean i've never seen that show because i'm a man but i think what would happen is um i've never seen either but i know the person is based around them being ugly and then maybe they become hot i don't know that's a guess i mean that makes sense but i think maybe no i think maybe he could go to one of his friends at a record label be like all right what do we got on the docket now what do we got going on he finds you know a young ariana grande type and then he's like all right like she signed i'm gonna you know what i mean now we're gonna go to nobu together i'm gonna i'm gonna get her popping oh okay so he doesn't want to order a shroomami and then go, he wants to build his own bull? I think he wants to build his own bull. Well, I don't know if he wants to do that, but as a man, as Chris Black, I'm suggesting that. Okay, so he probably listened to the Lee Pace episode, and he was like, I don't want to just buy a house. I don't even want to hire a contractor and have them do it for it. I'm not even going to go to Home Depot and pick up the lumber and build it myself. I'm going to cut a tree down and carve it and whittle it into two-by-fours, erect it from there. And only then will I have conquered Pussy Mountain, or whatever the mountain it is that Pete is climbing right now. I think his career is going to take a little bit of a backseat, especially if he pissed off Chris, so he's not going to have much else to do. He has to hide for his life. Yeah, Escape from Pussy Mountain should be Pete's new A24 flick. That's his next Hulu project with MGK as the villain. Maybe a Megan Fox.

thruple with um with machine gun i think that machine gun kelly and meg i think that machine gun kelly and megan fox hate each other like deeply hate each other you're saying megan kelly i think megan kelly and pete davidson could date no i think that megan fox and and mgk hate each other and i think maybe if pete is a real doggity dog dog he could slide in there and kind of take take his his man's chick now that that's if we got hired to write the script the lizard people use to control ourselves with entertainment we would be killing it in the writer's room so what's going on because i'm i'm deep in italy i'm literally wearing a bathing suit uh while we do this podcast and i have to change into a a drake's black linen suit for the uh event tonight um that we will be arriving at by boat that's right What have I been doing this week? If I'm either waking up at 5 a.m. to podcast or I'm driving to Santa Monica. I drove to Santa Monica three times this week. For paper samples? Yeah. Okay. Save the date sample. You know, proofing, chatting, printing, picking up, dropping off. Yeah, you could try Uber or taxi for that. You know what I mean? I wouldn't be making those drives, I'll tell you that. No, no, I got to be there to touch. Of course. Touch the 165. Thread count, or I don't know what they call it. It's like Coke. And, you know, just crossing the T's and down the I's, you know, getting Xanax, getting a haircut, packing. I guess I haven't packed yet. We're going to get into your tennis. Don't worry, Chris. No, I'm asking, what are you going to pack? Because this is a lot of different temperatures, a lot of different looks. And, you know, in London, I know you're going to some nice meals. You're trying to go to the rave. I don't know if there's going to be a lot of different temperatures and looks. According to my dark sky, the weather appears to be, temperature-wise at least, the exact same climate as Glendale. So hot. But you're not kind of factoring in the humidity. Yes, yes, yes. And I feel like without factoring that in, I will come off as a bit of a bellend. But I'm a newbie, so what do you want from me? It'll be fine. I'm going to wear, because I'm not checking a bag, because I'm afraid to.

because of the news and stuff, I'm just going to get my Rimova carry-on and fill it with 14 shirts and 14 pairs of pants and 14 socks and 14 pairs of Palace X Calvin Klein underwear, and I should be good to go. As well as my toiletries, of course. How are you going to fit your Jordans in there? Because that kind of seems like those are going to take a blast. I'm not. I'm going to have to buy those when I touch down. Okay, there's a store called Size you should check out in London. They'll kind of get you sorted for all your ease and whiz as far as it goes to your footwear. Lovely. That is a good tip. I don't want to see you in not fresh kicks over there. It's kind of part of the culture. I did find some Roadman Nikes on eBay. Is that true? New with tags. NWT? Yeah, these are... NWT, they're an Air Pegasus. I traced it back to about 2006. Yeah, 2006. Brand new, never been worn. And they kind of have like a little bit of a shine, like a little patent leather accents here and there on the swoosh in some places. So it does kind of look like a silhouette that maybe Drake used when he was making his... ugly ass shoes or something in the words of drake all the little accents that make me a king is what it sounds like to me i mean i those those those wouldn't arrive in time though would they well no i have them in my possession right now oh you've already got okay wow this is great so you're going to be premiering some new footwear when we link up when i find when we see each other across the pond it's not just going to be a reunion of friends but also a kind of a debut for you a reunion of swag yes that is correct So I know that when I was saying that I'll just put 14 shirts and pairs of pants and socks and underwear in a single carry-on suitcase, I was being sarcastic because there's no way in hell. That would never fit. Especially considering the shoes. I can fit two pairs of shoes in the suitcase. So it's kind of not a ton of options. Unless I wear them around my neck.

tied with a shoelace like a high school soccer player or something which it's not off the table just quite yet well it depends on how like which backpack you're bringing you know which vision backpack you're bringing so you can kind of hang your you know it's it's common to keep your kind of athletic trainers hanging from the backpack you know so they don't mix in with all your clean clothes believe it or not i'm i'm i'm back i don't i think i'll never wear a backpack unless i unless My kidnapper forces me to or something. I don't think it's ever going to happen at this point. What about if you're doing graffiti? Well, that's different. No, no, no. Even then, because you kind of have to hide and play inside as a graffiti artist, so you kind of get your Tesco bag as you're just walking down the street, but then little do they know, it's filled with massive cans of Krylon in it. Okay. Thank you for that tip, because I kind of want to blame you. I'm not having a spray, officer. No. Officer, I'm not having a spray. Are you having a spray, then? I feel insane. Like, I feel insane. I hadn't slept, really, until last night. I slept from 1 a.m. to 9 a.m., which is a world record for me. 1 a.m. to 9 a.m., so you got a full 8. Not to keep bringing up skeet, but that's impressive. Is there something that you did to get? To get that – I mean, obviously, you can't just have half of a Xanax or something like that. I don't know if you did any breath work or something. You're just pure exhaustion? I think it was pure exhaustion mixed with – I did two workouts yesterday. And I think that finally pushed me over the edge because I'm feeling a little dehydrated. I'm just not feeling myself. It's tough. They don't love water over here, man. They give these little bitch-sized bottles of glass. I just – I can't deal with this. I need to go to a petrol station and really get a big dog. I need my 1.5 liter Avion, and they're not really serving that to me here. I like that normally if you're kind of complaining about the portion size that you're not used to in a different country, it's usually not water.

water-based well food's bad here as you know that's what makes you unique it's bad here so it's fine you know i'm not really i think italy is known for their cuisine obviously not on a tourist trap lake como kind of place but no the food overall no the food's pretty good i mean it's just all it's just all the same and you can't get a salad you know what i mean and if it is a salad it comes with sardines or something so it doesn't really count to me sardines bro sardines have to be stopped it's insane This is one thing that I agree with you on. It's crazy. Do you work in the bottom of a ship? There's real food available. It's crazy. It's kind of like if every salad, every sandwich, every time that you had cheese on it, it was like a very challenging Rockford Blue. Yes, exactly. Every time I have lunch, a bunch of local street cats begin circling around my house. It can become a nuisance. It's a nuisance. The Caesar salad I like at the hotel, it's been kind of my sustenance. with a nice four layers of fucking sardines. I have to ask them to take off. Four layers of sardines. Like a rude American, but I just can't deal with that, dude. It's disgusting. You don't want to go in there. Are the sardines, I mean, I guess these are probably anchovies. Yes. Not to be a nitpicker, just I want to clarify for our listeners who joined us because of FX is the bear. Are the anchovies mixed in to the salad hand-toast, or are these placed gently on top with the lecomo tweezer? No, there's just four of these old nasty buggers laid across the top of my perfectly good salad. Okay, well, I think in that case, you're going to be better off just ordering the salad stock and then removing them yourself, ideally kind of flinging them out of a window during magic hour as to, you know, land on somebody. tanning or something i don't want the cats to kind of congregate around my window no and i make them take them off because it's it's that's my job like i'm gonna i'm playing hardball with you chief you worked hard you're on holiday you want to have it your way just like dq i'm not on holiday i haven't been on holiday yet it's it's not i mean today i guess felt the most like holiday because i slept till 9 a.m which feels insane but there's nothing to do well there is a breakthrough because you said i'm not on holiday which is standard fare for a chris comment but then you

It was punctuated with the word yet, which means that you're allowing yourself to have hope that a real vacation could enter your life. Well, this is because I had a breakthrough on the court. That's what I'm telling you. That's why I feel like this. That's why I'm feeling positive. What ankle was it? Yesterday, a friend and I hit with the pro, Marcelo, on the clay courts. and uh marcello yeah marcello okay and um marcello i was great but then i wanted i wasn't feeling properly worked you know what i mean i was like all right i need to go one-on-one with marcello okay so so you and marcello you were like let's just hit around yeah so we just played to 11 i of course lost every time as as expected but i played incredibly well and i was absolutely destroyed i feel terrible and it's six hours later really yeah man he was he was as jake says he was walking me like a dog bro you know that these these motherfuckers they just i'll put in that corner i'll put at the net it's on clay so i'm kind of learning to slide but this guy's like sliding across the court like rafa on his prime you know and then in the middle of our in the middle of our session you know they're like hot high school kid comes onto the court next to us with his coach who looks like his like hot italian mom and he just starts you know he's fucking ripping just wailing it like it was he was he was head to toe in his hugo boss barrentini barrentini fit yeah basically he was literally hitting cones with every shot you know what i mean he set up drills i'm like this guy this is distracting like taking candy from a bambino i like to be around greatness so that kind of felt good for me hopefully it rubbed off me yeah i was just playing great i was just playing great and I got a handful of winners on Marcello where he had to say, too good. It's too good. Yeah. So that's what you're paying for is for Marcello to say, too good. And then he's going to be like, yeah, this fucking guy, he's probably going to go on his podcast and talk about how he beat me. No, I would never lie. But I think that it was an interesting – it was just a nice – I don't know. I was like, I lugged all this tennis shit over here. And I was like, I'm going to play. I'm going to play. But I felt like I was doing it out of –

Like I was forcing myself to play because I brought the stuff all the way over here. Which I think is, that's not unhealthy. No, I agree. But I think it was, I roast the occasion, is what I'm saying, more than I thought I would. I'm glad that you were able to make it work. And also, we're sort of skipping over the part that you weren't just kind of playing on a tennis court. I'm assuming, you know, I've seen photos of tennis courts in Lake Como. That's it. That's the top of the pops in terms of just once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Was that the vibe? Once-in-a-lifetime. I mean, Jason, I could do this every year. What's the big deal? I know you could. It's also just so well-maintained. It's like they water them every fucking two hours. They keep it tight over there. There's a staff. Yeah, but this place has an incredible sporting club. They have squash, a gym, an indoor pool, sauna, cold plunge, steam room. I mean, look, the gym isn't huge, and I was having to rub elbows with some other guests, and I think they were a little surprised at the size of weight I was reaching for. They thought I was confused as far as the KG to LB. I was like, no, no, guys. No, no. So most people are doing the kind of euro to dollar conversion and you have your phone open and you're always doing the kilograms to pounds. I mean, look, it's easy to do it in a regular gym, but when you're in Barry's Milan and they're blasting ACDC and you're sweating and you're trying to pick the weights up, it's a little harder. Yeah, it's a little harder there. I had a couple listeners from last episode saying I really was hoping that the outro music was going to be Steve Aoki X ACDC Remix. Also, Sniffy's update from the Sam Buck episode. I've been told why it's called Sniffy's. I don't know if we're allowed to talk about it. What do you think, Chris? I think that... I don't know. Not to be crass. I'm torn because I know it's crass, but maybe you could try to say it in a way that's more palatable. No pun intended. Like bottoming for Skeet Davidson, I too am torn, but Sam was saying...

It's basically just a bunch of dicks and their geolocation, but I think it may be a little different. No, no, it's whole. Yeah, it's just holes. It's just holes. What do you do with the hole? You sniff it. Sniff it like a cork on my Opus 1. Are they interested in sponsoring the show, or are you just doing this for free? No, I mean, of course, Sniffies and I have been in the DMs. I don't know who from their social media team I'm actually speaking with. I know how this game goes, but... I'm sure it's not the president of sniffies holding. Can you imagine being the guy who's pitching sniffies as a startup to like VC bros in Silicon beach? All right. So look, I know you guys are going to act like you don't know that this happens, but let me tell you about something. Gay guys love fucking. And there's a way, there's a way for us to monetize on this shit. And it's, it's gross, but we can all get rich. We invented. Our people. We invented growth potential, you guys. Do you think Peter Thiel paid for Sniffies? It could have been House Andreessen Horowitz. It could have been House Sequoia. I mean, I think these guys are, you know, as long as it's going to make money, they don't give a shit. And Sniffies is clearly a good idea. It's working. Well, you know, Sniffies is, they're lean and nimble. For now. I mean, this is just seed day. No, of course. This is seed round. This is pre-seed, actually. This is friends and family. When you're over there in Lake Como and you are playing tennis and all these things going on, are you able to kind of suspend the amount of money this is all costing you? Or is that something that's sort of like a Lyme disease tick? Is it just kind of... In the back of your mind at all times. No, I've blacked it out. I don't care. What is money, Jason? Okay, good. You know, what is it? Why does it matter? It's also like you get to these places and it's like, this is just what it is. I mean, honestly. It's just what it is. It's honestly, I don't care. Also, the exchange rate being what it is right now makes it so almost exciting.

Because this never happened in my life. So that's the one upside for traveling right now to Europe. Yeah, I mean, it's basically one-to-one. That hasn't happened in 20 years. Sleepy Joe knows what's going to get you to vote for him again next year. It has nothing to do with any other issues. No climate change or something like that. Gas prices. I wanted to ask what the gas prices are. Am I going to be able to get a Cacio Pepe for the same amount of money as it was cost at Olive Garden? And that's... And that's what he delivered. I've had some delicious. I've been being a little bit of a bad boy and enjoying some Italian delicacies. And there's one that I hadn't had in years, really, that I had on the night of our arrival, an eggplant parmesan, though. Oh, okay. There's a long reason why I have it, but it was quite good. And the portion was small enough to where I didn't feel guilty either, Jason. Guilt-free. I know that Lake Como is kind of like a Patadiso over there, but is it like a tourist, trappy kind of energy? Well, I don't know. You might be the wrong person to ask. I haven't left the grounds of Villa d'Este, so I don't know. But there is a Loewe store. um that i was hoping to check out uh but i i haven't left and i'm not gonna leave like it's it's the situation is like you're in this beautiful you know 150 year old hotel and everything's kind of everything's kind of here especially for three days it was longer than three days i'd be leaving a lot i mean it kind of has to be because you're just out there right no it's not that it's not that remote that's the thing it's only it's only like it's a 45 minute train from milan no i guess i'm talking more more of like you your your surroundings are just kind of like a lake and nature and things like that you can't just like walk down the store to whole foods to to go get the salad bar lunch you're sort of no you can walk to sort of left to operate on the ground yeah you can walk to stuff but it's a little bit of a i don't know i'm just like it's 100 degrees for the pores i don't even think it's for the pores it's not for me you know and i'm not what do you you take what you take what you will from that yeah i'm able to read between the lines on that

So when most people go on a trip like this, a vacation, they might do, they might, you know, I'm going to delete Instagram and TikTok off my phone and just read a book. Are you more of like, I'm just going to delete the Amex app off my phone for the next two weeks and continue tweeting? I don't delete anything. I do the same shit wherever I am, and the only thing that changes is the time zone, baby. You know what I'm saying? I don't... Like, I just don't understand. I don't know. Again, I've said this before, and I think you agree with me. It's like we like our jobs, so it's like I don't need to escape from it, really. Like, sure, it's annoying sometimes to have to take a call when you're, you know, by a pool, but, like, is life really so hard? Yeah, I think it's, you know, I guess an F1 driver in Monaco likes his job, but it's difficult for him, but he knows, him or her, that they have to come in for a pit stop. Every once in a while, you know? Of course. Change out those tires. But I still feel like that because you're still doing, I mean, it's still a nice change of venue, you know, regardless. Okay. That does feel like a reset in some ways. Like, just doing the same routine but in different places feels good. You know, like, playing tennis this morning with Marcello instead of, like, running on a West Hollywood street is a nice change, you know? So it's like, I still feel good about it. It doesn't mean I have to sleep till noon and, like, eat like a pig. Right. And the courts at Glendale Community College are very well kept, but it's a little different than the Lake Como clay courts that you're playing on today, I'm assuming. Yeah, and I got to make conversation with, you know, like an 80-year-old Italian man about rackets. You know, he said, oh, I like, yeah, you like the Bob a lot. The Yonex is for, how you say, this Japanese is no good. I think to us, since we do love our jobs and it's not considered work for us at all because we get to podcast and do other cool things like brand integration strategy, so it doesn't feel like a job to us. So that removal of checking our email every day is not really a way to rest and recharge. I don't know. I'm trying to figure out how it's going to be.

How to use this vacation as an actual vacation? No, I think it could be just new experiences, you know? Going to, like, a bunch of new restaurants, staying in nice hotels, and going to this museum and this store, like, that's fun. That's vacation. Like, vacation isn't, like, thinking about how you unplugged and how proud of yourself you are. That seems kind of like a pointless thing to do. The point that I've noticed is, like, if you really do... sort of remove yourself physically from your work and that mindset of, like, got to do this, got to do this. And it's not so much just your actual career, your email job at Salesforce or whatever that you want to put your two weeks vacation email set up for, but it's just all the other little things that you don't notice the first few days where you really do need a two-week trip, you know, just like, oh, I didn't. take the garbage out for two weeks or I didn't do the dishes for two weeks or I didn't, you know, all those, I didn't have to go buy dog food. You know, I didn't, I haven't picked up a single shit in two weeks. Those things after a while, if you kind of pay attention and notice it, I think that's the real kind of clarity where ideally the whole point of this trip is not to be like, Oh, this is so sick. I love it. For me, it's like, I'm going to go back to my real life and be excited about all this stuff, and I will miss things again. If that's the case, then you can keep Gmail and Instagram on your phone, but you've got to delete Nest and Citizen. Well, I don't use Citizen. That's a terrible idea. Yeah, whenever I'm on holiday, I will sort of... try to not look at the nest cam footage because what am I going to do? When we were in New York, you know, we were in New York before we came to Europe. We were sitting next to a couple at ABCV and the chick, like we can tell how far along in the relationship they were, but she kept showing him the live camera of her dog at home. Yeah.

Bro, nothing can be worth this. You're about to spend $2.50 on vegan food, and you've got to look at a dog on a phone? Yeah, that's the stuff that's bad. I've heard there's a new machine where you can... give your dog a treat virtually oh no it's not new it's been around for years i've seen i've seen it in action so what happens so it's basically like there's like a little plastic machine or whatever i don't know some type of device that's connected to your phone you could listen to it you can hit it like a microphone button and talk to your dog and then you could hit another button and literally like a small dog treat i'm sure it has to be the dog treat made by the company that invented this technology it's a proprietary size and and shape i would hope i would hope and then it literally just kind of flings it you know like a like when you go to the batting cages and it throws a softball at you it's just like that and then you get to see your dog run over and and eat it and then you go yay so you get to feel that connection but yeah that's that's the other thing you you have to be forced away from your dogs as well so you so then you come back and you miss them and you get excited to uh you know clean up piss or things like that i'm gonna get one of those for you and kind of put it in your office you know get me one and then we do not i already I already have a snack problem. And then when the edit is done, I'll give you a quarter bar of Xanax. It like spits out, and then you can kind of just take that at your leisure. But that's kind of a good way for me to police your Xan intake. Yeah, yeah. It's on a reward basis. The sweet irony coming full circle of me handing you my little baggie, and you're the one who rations it out to make sure that... I've been always, especially lately, practicing where you throw food in the mouth and in the air and then you catch it in your mouth. You know that I'm really good at that. And I think this will be a great way to kind of get my 10,000 hours in for that skill. Yeah, you can put it up on a shelf. And you strike me as a person who's good at throwing food in the air and catching it in your mouth. You know, a nice little...

A little peanut, something like that? What's your favorite thing to pop in your mouth from a high elevation? A cashew? I'll hit the ceiling with that shit. The cashew, that's smart because it does have a boomerang shape. So you know if gravity ain't got you, the shape of the cashew definitely has you. It has the shape, but I also think it has slightly more weight than the classic cocktail peanut. Right. You work out, so you kind of need something with a little more heft on it. Yeah, it's nothing for me to kind of put up a couple cashews over my head three or four times. It's not really any shit for me to do that, really. Just kind of got to breathe on the way down and then kind of let the air out on the way up. Just try that next time. Bro, I've been learning how to breathe all week long. I've been practicing my breathing for this trip. It's challenging for me, I've got to say. So are you planning not to work out for two weeks? I will probably – no, I'll do some working out depending on where I am and the gym vibe. But it will definitely be more – I want my workout to be a little bit more on the – the walking, swimming kind of vibe, and less of the typical working out. And you think that works? Just because I know myself, and I know that it's not sustainable for me to go to a hotel gym. I'm not that kind of person anyways. I'm not just going to do bench presses in a hotel gym. It's fucking good. But I'm just going to do stuff that I can do at home in the hotel, some resistance stuff. and some mobility stuff. Luckily, my trainer has taught me how to just move my... I can just stand in certain positions and start shaking and blood comes out of my ear if I'm doing it the right way. I'll try to do that. You're going to do some dancing then. That's good to know. That's the way that people that I'm with seem to think that they're going to get their exercise in. Chris, I'm going to earn... my chanel ballet flats not like some of you other broke hosts i understand i understand who's who's stronger than the ballerina chris i that's a good point i i don't know yeah i don't know and since i have the body of one so it only makes sense you do have the body of a ballerina i long lean i'm a i'm a little hippie which is what kept me out of regionals but regionals those are things that i can't unless i get the surgery but it's still something to think about uh i have to go

I have to go put on a suit to get on this boat, and I have approximately 15 minutes to get Drake's black linen on my body and then go to the finale of this week that I've had, or three days, in Como. I love how vague you're being. Well, I'm not really allowed to divulge details, but I do want... The finale of this week. I do want to say that last night I witnessed something that kind of reignited my belief in comedy. Can you do a dog whistle? I know the person that you're speaking of is a listener of this show. Are you able to sort of do a dog whistle to them specifically to let them know that, hey, I saw something that you did, and it wasn't... Super bad. It was super good? Something like that? Yeah. No, it was super good. That's exactly what it is. It was super good. Not super bad at all. No. I'm going to be thinking about it for months. I'm going to be thinking about it for months. Truly, truly something special. Wonderful. And it was a nice cap on an evening that kept me up until 1 a.m. So, Jason, safe travels to the motherland. I'm going to go put on a tie. Hopefully, the Laura Piana linen suit has been pressed. Because that can get wrinkly. Take it from me. Don't worry. They press suits here at the hotel for only 18 euros. But we should announce now we are taking a how-long-gone sabbatical while Jason and I are both in Europe. It was just too much to coordinate with guests in America, etc. So we will be back later this month with a big guest, of course. You know, go back and listen to all the episodes when you have time. And if you need anything from us, you know where to find us. So this is the real vacation. It's not a vacation where we go to a place. The real vacation is we're taking the vacation as well as the listener because you guys have been listening to us three days a week for the last two years. Plus, you know, we have to edge. Our relationship is going great.

Things are awesome, but I've got to go hang out with the fellas this weekend. Yeah. And you should probably hang out with your girls this weekend. You and the girlies should go. Because I want all of you goners to come back when we're back and be like, this is Christmas morning. Okay. Have a good mysterious activation, which requires you to wear a suit. and you're at Lake Coleman, Italy, I have no idea what it could possibly be. I don't think it's a court date. We'll see. Hey, man, this dentist convention has been pretty good so far. I've learned a lot about floss. I'll talk to you later. Arrivederci. I'm a child.